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Had to Put Our Little Buddy to Sleep

by Mario
(Montreal, Canada)

I cannot believe it, my 9 and a half year old male pure poodle was diagnosed with cancer out of the blue and I am completely devastated.

About a week ago, our beloved poodle, Buddy, was not feeling that well at all. At the time it seemed like a gastro or the flu. He was very down and was keeping to himself. He normally would not want to be alone for more than a minute. He started vomiting and not eating at all.

About a day into his gastro/flu, he was getting worse so we decided to take him to the vet. Blood work and a general physical was given. The vet put him on antibiotics because he said the dog had pancreatitis.

We brought him home and gave him his first antibiotic. About an hour after he took the pill, he looked even worse - not answering our calls at all and looked like he was in a trance. About 3 to 4 hours after taking the pill, he seemed more normal.

The next morning the 2nd pill was given and the same thing happened - shortly after Buddy seemed worse and it took about 4 hours after the pill was given to feel better.

That night the 3rd antibiotic was given and again the dog got worse, started throwing up even more and at one point his heart was beating too fast so we rushed him to the hospital. They quickly put him on IV and did a battery of tests. We kept him there because the tests would continue in the morning.

The dreaded call came in at about 10 a.m. - Buddy had a tumour in his heart, water in the lungs, fluid accumulation around his heart, and masses in his pancreas.

We were devastated. They told us to rush there because a decision would have to be made. When we got there the dog seemed all right, but the vet told us not to be fooled because he was on IV and that as soon as we took him off, he would take a turn for the worse in about 24 hours without IV.

To make a long story short, the vet said our best case scenario was about 4 to 6 months max and that was with chemo. The dog had too many things wrong with him.

We decided to put him to sleep.

I cannot function anymore - Did we make the right decision? He seemed so fine. Could the vet have been wrong? Should we have gotten a 2nd opinion? I can't stop crying. How can a dog turn from happy jumping to dying in 3 days? Can anyone out there help me? I am going crazy... will it get better? I miss him so much.

Need help
Mario
msebastianiatoricom.ca (replace at with @)

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Apr 06, 2016
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Baby Angel
by: Carol

I am so sorry for your loss. I went through the same thing with my best friend, the most beautiful golden retriever, Angel. I miss her every day but look forward to seeing her and all of my other pets in heaven. Have faith and you will see all of your beloved pets again.

Jan 19, 2016
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Linda
by: Anonymous

Linda, only another pet lover can imagine what you are going thru. IT DOES GET BETTER. I can now look back and honestly say that we made the right decision. Life can take away many things but not memories.

I still do not want to get attached to another dog. We baby sat a friend's little poodle that looked exactly like Buddy. We had him for about 4 days and by day 2, I was calling him buddy. It was nice to go back to happy times but I am afraid of the pain again. Dogs are your best friend no other way about it. I still keep his dog collar and just recently got rid of a lot of his dog toys.

Linda be brave and think of the good times. Things will get better.

Jan 19, 2016
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Snickers died in my arms
by: LINDA

I went through the same thing with my 11 yr. old Yorkie. He had cancer masses all through his little body. At first it was his heart with fluid around it, we had no idea that in two days after we found the cancer that he passed away in my arms. I'm just like you, I can't stop crying for him, he was my soul mate.

Mar 08, 2012
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Little Buddy and Mae
by: Mario

Hello CR,

Yes I am still on these boards.

Reading your letter really brought back a lot of memories. It was a year ago that we had to put Buddy down. Let me tell you it does get better. I still have his picture on my night table in the bedroom. Like you I stayed home with Buddy all the time because I worked from home. I still have flashbacks and they sometimes bring me down but then I think that he is in a better place. My little Buddy was such a trooper, never in his 9 years did he ever complain about anything. He was content just being around us.

I remember when we first got him, we did not allow him to sleep on our bed with us but he quickly got his way and before you knew it he ended up sleeping between my wife and I. In the morning when we would wake up, Buddy was already awake and would give us both a good morning lick. Ah thank God the memories will always be around.

I guess 1 year after the thing that still bothers us is the thought that maybe we made a mistake by putting him down. The issue that he would bounce from a healthy looking dog to a hard breathing dog in a matter of hours. I guess it is our defense mechanism that wants to blame someone or something for our loss. We will not get over it but it does get a lot better.

We attempted to get another little poodle but I still cannot commit to it. I am afraid of going thru all this again. At one point we decided to adopt from a shelter but my son does not want another dog in the house. He was so hurt when Buddy passed I guess he does not want to get attched to another doggie.

CR, it always nice to talk with people that went thru the same thing. If ever you need an ear to talk to you can always contact me msebastiani@oricom.ca. Talk to you soon.

Mar 08, 2012
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Mario & your dear little Buddy
by: CR

Not sure if you're still on the site Mario but may have some suggestions to help you with the intensity of the loss & just wanted to express such sorrow for your loss & all the guilt & uncertainty about having to put Buddy to sleep.

We have just gone through the same exact scenario in mid January with our beautiful precious 10 yr old border collie Mae. We are devastated & I am taking it very very hard & cry daily for her.

We got her at eight weeks & I was diagnosed with cancer then & unable to work or get out a lot so have been ill through her whole life. So she has been my purpose & little love & saving grace as she & I were home 24/7. My husband adored Mae as well & misses her so much but he is away at work in the daytime & isn't feeling the guilt I am.

She seemed her usual bouncy self & then suddenly collapsed on her walk one day & we went through literally exactly the same scenario as you described. Rushed to vet with collapse & vomiting followed by these amazing returns to normal. Initial tests were off but we took her home. She got worse on antibiotics so back to vet for more tests & iv & the chest X-rays showed it all.

Advanced cancer of heart & lungs with pericardial & pleural effusions & many masses in her lungs & heart the size of a grapefruit. Nothing they could do. We let them pull off fluid from around her heart to ease her breath & confirm cancer diagnosis. Presumably HSA cancer. Google it as it totally explained how they seem so good one minute & then go right down. So in deep shock we took her home to love her & feed her all the peanut butter & honey & good food & Rescue Remedy & other natural spplements that she wanted. She started keeping fluids & org baby food down. She seemed to be getting better in some ways and even wanted to play a little!! But her breathing was getting harder & the episodes of collapse more intense. It was brutal to think of putting her to sleep though when she seemed so bright again at times. But we knew she was suffering & it was the HARDEST thing ever.

I wept for weeks all the time. I struggle with the same questions. I had been giving Mae Rescue Remedy (a homeopathic flower remedy) that helped tons. She was so calm & wise through it all. I took it as well & still do as I still grieve but it helps ease the grief. Still can't move her things & have her ashes close but some days I have some degree of peace. Although still cry for her, reading about hsa made it very clear that we did the best we could for her & we loved her hugely!

She looked into my eyes at one point & told me she was suffering & I knew we had to stop it for her. So it was right decision as best we could for her comfort in such a devastating situation.

You saved Buddy from suffering an awful death & absolutely made the right decision. Bookend the tears with making yourself think about all the love & sweet times you shared. We love too much here not to meet our loved ones again...

All the best

Oct 17, 2011
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Buddy
by: Mario

Thank you for your thoughts Pauline, I still have his picture on my nitestand and look at it constantly. The Doctors did say that dogs are so resilient but when the disease progresses towards the end they fall quite quickly. Believe me it does get better with time. You will never forget your dog but it gets better. I still did not throw any of his stuff away and I still did not get another dog. I do not know if I want to go thru this again one day. Anyways hope all goes better for you. Thanks again for your thoughts.

Oct 17, 2011
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I Understand How You Feel
by: Pauline

Hi,

When I read your story, I couldn't help crying. I fully understand how you feel because I've been through the same thing.

My dog was healthy up to last month when suddenly he became weak, had no appetite, and didn't even want his favorite treat. Long story short, he was diagnosed with liver cancer and his conditions deteriorated rapidly after diagnosis, giving us no choice but to put her to sleep.

It was the hardest decision that we had to make, and we are still wondering why his condition could get from bad to worse in such a short time...

I still feel sad and guilty (maybe I could have done more?). I understand how you feel...

Aug 05, 2011
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: (
by: Anonymous

Hello,

You did the right thing. The best gift you could have given him was a dignified and peaceful passing. My thoughts are with you, as I know it is so difficult.

Our 8 year old lab is undergoing testing for bladder cancer and she had been going downhill for the last couple of weeks. It is so hard to see them in pain.

Take care.

May 06, 2011
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Little Buddy
by: Anonymous

Reading you letter I feel that you made the right decision. I am giving you my point of view as my beloved dog Punk is lying in post-operative trauma. She has been ill for a week and 3 different vets could not find out what was wrong with her. It looks like she has been poisoned and it is breaking our hearts to see her lying whining when we visit her. We are waiting for definite blood test results but this morning felt devasted at her terrible condition.

I think that you are grieving. but, you cannot reproach yourself for loving that animal so much that you took her best interest and acted accordingly. God bless lovely people like you.

Apr 19, 2011
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Our Little Buddy
by: Mario

Thank you so much, it has gotten a little better but I think of my little buddy every day!! By coincidence I was looking at the poodle adoption in my area and we came across an adoption request for a 3 year old poodle whose name happens to be Buddy. Same weight, same color, and as fate would have it is so much like our little Buddy, I know we could never replace our original Buddy but it just seems so much of a coincidence, we are going to take him home for a trial run and see what happens.

Apr 19, 2011
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Maya May
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry to hear about your little Buddy. We just today had a similar diagnosis for our poodle girl Maya, who looks so much like your picture of Buddy. We're hoping for at least a little more time, but life makes it's own decisions. You can rest assure that, as much as you care about your Buddy, you made the right decision. Our dogs know so much more about things than we do, and when they give us the look and tell us it's okay to let go, which I'm sure your Buddy did, then they know too. They're smart little creatures, and I'm grateful every day to know them. I wish you the best, I really do.

Mar 15, 2011
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Thank you for your kind words
by: Mario

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am still in disbelief, I tried to look at his pictures but could not, tears just started comming. Like I said in my earlier post, it just came from nowhere. All good one day and then 3 days after the bad news, what really eats at me is that maybe I should have kept him on IV until the pancreatitis got better and then the vet would have gone in to do biopsies, but that would have been hell for Buddy.

I hope he is well with his new master up there. I will never forget him; he was my shadow for 9 and a half years. I worked from home and while I worked at home on my desk he would plock himself down on the sofa and just stare at me work the whole day.

I thank you for telling me it gets better. Thank you so much.

Mar 15, 2011
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I feel your pain!
by: RedFeather

Our Bauzer was diagnosed with rectal/anal cancer when we took him to see the vet for diarrhea. We saw 2 doctors from our clinic, and then an oncologist...hoping for hope.

I can tell you (it's been almost 6 months) that it gets easier to get through each day without "seeing" him everywhere...but I don't think it's gotten "better" yet.

You did what had to be done - I still wonder about it too, but we never want our babies to suffer.

Just keep going and remember Buddy always!

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